Thinspo

Thinspo has been like a compulsive porn addiction for me lately. In all my free time I'm looking up pictures of beautiful women. I try saving it, but I don't want to have all those pictures sitting around in case someone searches my pictures. So I've made a thinspo blog as a place to save pictures and readily access them no matter where I am. Plus its something to work on when I'm bored or in need of inspiration. I'm partway through my first thinspo collection post. I've been watching reruns of Glee season 1 on Netflix (sorry if you don't like it, but I LOVE Glee!) and I've felt thinspired by some of the gorgeous girls on there. The post is a work in progress as I just made the blog last night, so there is more to come. Check it out if you want, I'll be adding more tonight. Negativespacethinspo.blogspot.com.

On the eating front I've been doing okay in the morning then eating way too much at night. Yesterday I was right on track to end the day at 470 calories. Me and Josh had another fight so I was mulling over that all day and getting my revenge with starvation. Well we "made up" (again) so his solution is usually "lets go out and eat fatty food while we both sit and wonder silently about how much longer we can tolerate this". So we went out and got pizza. I ate two slices of large supreme and a bunch of cheesy breadsticks. And a few cookies. Fail.

This morning I ate the last two pieces (actually I threw out 1/2 my second slice cause I was full, rather than forcing myself to finish it) and I am taking laxatives in 10 minutes. Why ten minutes? Because that makes it four hours after I ate the pizza and it takes the stomach 3-4 hours to empty out. I've found laxatives are MUCH quicker on an empty stomach, even if you have to suffer and feel full for a while. Better to wait four hours and have them work in 3-6 hours than to chase your binge with them and have to wait 8-12 hours.

Tomorrow I may attempt a fast.

I'm still wavering. 140 one day, 139 the next. Fasting may help me make a breakthrough.

Think skinny calorie free thoughts!

Peace