Salt

Melts ice, melts intestinal contents.

Currently drinking a "nastyrita". They taste gross, but its much quicker than waiting for a 6-12 hour laxative. Besides, I already took laxatives, last night, right after dinner. They took a long time, and I woke up at 5:30 this morning with stomach cramping. I want instant gratification. I don't regret spending time with my family, and eating dinner with them. I just want it all out so I can start with a clean slate tomorrow.

This week, I really look forward to a cleanse of sorts. This whole month, I have felt just out of it. Like I floated through all of December, and I couldn't tell you what I did at all. I smoked a lot of weed to check out and not think about my issues, and I feel kind of strung-out. Lately I've backed off the weed, and I plan on temporarily quitting just to give my brain a break. I have some personal growth I'd like to work on, and I actually look forward to 2011 as hopefully a year of growth, development, and change. I'm going to start with a week-long diet of safe foods. Cucumbers, squash, pomegranate, bananas, edamame, lots of rice, more veggies and fruits I have yet to buy, vitamins, water, green tea. I feel like I haven't been taking good care of myself lately and I just want to detoxify. I want to feed my brain vitamins and minerals, not fatty junk food and toxic thoughts. When I need to curb a craving, I will drink a hot cup of tea. I will make steamed rice. I want to avoid meat, but if I do eat meat it will be lean and low cal, like tuna, sliced/shaved deli meat, chicken/turkey breast, etc. I DO know I will be having a New York Strip Steak dinner on New Years day, because my mom just gave me two steaks and I will not waste them. If I do good this week with my cleansing clean diet I will allow myself a nice New Years dinner with Josh. Soon after we will hopefully start a diet together of all kinds of low-cal stuff.

I really look forward to eating nutrient-rich stuff again.

This salt water is so gross. I can't wait until all of this crap is out. Hopefully the toilet will work this time and not clog up with the ghosts of deuces past.

I will take 2011 one day at a time. I will work on developing myself into the person I always wish I was, starting with finding my voice, and being able to speak my mind, even if my voice is shaking. It is essential I take care of myself this year, or I may just go crazy. I can't continue living inside my head anymore. I'm human too, I have a right to be present and vocal. I just need to find my ability to stop living on the sidelines.

How was y'alls Christmas/holiday? Did you overdo it? What are your goals in the New Year?

Peace