Man v. Food

I'm watching season 3 on Netflix. You'd think watching someone binge would be just a helluva trigger, but I guess I'm not in the binging mood right now. In fact, other than 4 cashews at 8:00 this morning, I haven't eaten anything solid since 1pm yesterday. (Cashews, I don't count you.) I feel like I've done really well. And I want to keep it up because tonight is New Years, where I will consume a weeks worth of calories in liquid intoxicant form in maybe 4 hours, and then spend the next 18 hours paying for it. I am not eating a solid thing until 7pm when I go to the New Years party and eat their lousy fatty party food. (I have to eat SOMETHING, or I will A. be drunk in 17 minutes and B. have an even-worse hangover.) Alcohol, you are no friend of restriction. Why can't marijuana be more socially accepted as a viable, safer alternative to drinking by the general population? My favorite part is its CALORIE FREE to partake! (If you can resist the munchies that may show up).

New Years Plan:
1. Eat nothing until 7pm. Partake in maybe 150-200 cals worth of food, depending on whats there. Enough to take off the hunger edge, but not binge
2. Drink slowly and casually, and keep a good buzz going all night, rather than becoming a belligerent drunk
3. DO NOT EAT ALL OF THEIR FUCKING FOOD. *NO* beer munchies!!
4. Pass out in the wee hours of the morning after having drank 48 oz of water (at least) and taken a B vitamin (they help - I swear!)
5. Wake up hungry with a headache and maybe the runs (not a bad thing) but otherwise no worse for wear
6. Have a moderate breakfast (eggs, toast, glass of milk, coffee - lots and lots of coffee)
7. Drink lots of water, pop an adderall, infuse with coffee, take another B vitamin, go on with my day with more restriction
8. Clean house because family is visiting on Sunday and I can not afford to laze about the place with a hangover



New Years Probability:
1. Cave and eat something small before 7. Cave later at the sight of precious fat food and stuff face, embarrassing self. Eat more later when no one is looking.
2. Start out slow but then enjoy the feeling of a buzz so much that I lose control and rather than stop drinking when I hit my wall, I keep going until I vomit for the first time because hey, why not, you've already fucked up the rest of your night/the next day.
3. See #1.
4. Pass out in the wee hours of the morning after having vomited a 3rd time. No water, no vitamin, just the taste of vomit and trying to stop the spinning feeling.
5. Wake up at 6am after 3 hours of sleep to puke more, with a pounding headache and a raunchy stomachache.
6. Don't eat anything until 2pm Saturday because thats the first time I'm able to keep something down. First thing I eat is fatty fast food and/or comfort food. Totally fuck up calorie count for Saturday
7. Drink lots of water, pop an adderall, infuse with coffee, take a B vitamin, hate myself for the previous night, still have the runs
8. Don't start cleaning until I can manage to finally get off the couch without my head pounding, probably around 4pm
9. Panic about how much has yet to be done, break down, decide my family has to love me for who I am, mess or not. Take laxatives after I decide my stomach can handle more torture
10. Add 364 days and repeat

I know we always go into these things with the best intentions and then miserably fail, but I really want to stick with the plan on this one. I can not afford to be laid up all day with a raunchy hangover, I don't want to embarrass myself as I will probably be the youngest one there by a margin of at least 4 years (these are Josh's friends - Josh is 4 years older than me, and these people are even older than him), and I want to ride this restriction wave while I'm on it and get under 140 FOR GOOD. Josh and I had a fight yesterday and I find those to be the biggest trigger. He won't let me cut anymore, and sometimes I don't want to do that anyway, so I restrict. I get back at him by not eating all damn day. And he doesn't know that, so its even more exciting. He didn't see me eat a thing yesterday, and he didn't even think twice about it. I want the next week or so to go the same way, as these things stay fresh in my mind for about that long, and I really needed the motivation again. I was getting lazy. Something had to come along and kick me in the ass and say "Put down the fucking fork!"

Okay, well. I wanted to quick update with my New Years plans. I hope my party goes well. And I hope all of yours do too, as I'm sure you have similar goals to mine.

Happy New Years! 2011 will be a good year for us, I feel it! I'm getting good vibes about this year. New lows to all of you!!!

Peace