Its 3am, I must be lonely

Yes, its 3am. I'm tired, but the kind of tired that's still hyper enough from the nights' festivities to not let you fall asleep right away. So I'll use this as an opportunity to catch up on blogs til y'all put me to sleep. (LOL)

So camping was fun. A little buggy, I managed to come home with about 30 mosquito bites (cause I'm so tasty....mmmm buttery fat) and a little bit of a tan. I'm pretty white and I kind of like to stay that way. My mom is very white and she is in her mid 50's but she only looks 40-something. Stay white now, you''ll look young later my friends. Plus sunburn is a bitch.

Anyways, camping. Eating like I'd prefer was out-of-the-question. So since I couldn't beat 'em, I joined 'em, and managed to come home only up 1 pound. Better than the 15 I was anticipating. But I did ride bike a few times and that probably didn't hurt. The rest of the time was spent in a stoned daze sitting next to a campfire. God, I freaking love camping!! There really isn't much else to say about it.

Okay, sidenote.
Do you guys ever think we're all stupid? Like, we hang on the scale's display like it will make or break our day. We starve and starve and we gain a pound, and we gorge on McDonalds and lose 3 lbs. How does that shit fucking work?? We don't have anything else though. We all know depending on the scale is bullshit, but what else to we have to cling to?? We're striving for an arbitrary notion of "thin" but our only notion of progress is also arbitrary. What dicates what we weigh now, in 3 hours, in 24 hours, in a week? How can it fluctuate so much, and sometimes seem to depend so little on how we eat? I'm not criticising you all whatsoever because I'm the same fucking way. I just don't get how it works. Does any of that even make sense? I have a slight alcohol buzz from going out for a friend's birthday tonight and it is now 3:20 am so I have a feeling that I'm full of shit. IDK

So I had a tendergrill chicken sandwich from Burger King trying to opt for a non-burger food item that I could still eat while driving, and it was COVERED in mayo and dripping with grease. How can a GRILLED chicken breast be greasy?? The mayo is my fault for forgetting to ask them to withhold but GREASE?? Needless to say it was hard to eat and drive eating that thing with grease running down my wrist; I would've been better off getting a burger after all. Ugh I felt so gross after I ate that, like seriously I was nauseous after I started drinking. So I only had 3 1/2 drinks and I was like, uh-uh. I even felt worse after drinking water. WATER.

So hopefully my body will expel that quickly. I don't need that ish hanging around. Yo.

So while I was at the bar I ran into someone I haven't seen since I was at a house party a long time ago, must have been a really long time ago because he commented on my weight loss even though I've only lost about 20-25 lbs (depending on the day) in a year. I know, pathetic and weak. I should be further by now. But I digress. He was hitting on me and being all creepy but deep down I was still flattered and strangely not put off by his "you have a nice body" comments. Thats not saying I believed him or anything, but I let him have his opinion w/o instantly shooting it down. And stranger still was how motivating it was. Usually after someone says I've lost weight all I can think is how fat I still am. And I did think that, but instead of getting in a depressive tizzy all I could think of is positive.

"Well if he likes this, wait til he sees me NEXT time!"

So....water coffee fast this weekend? I have the whole weekend to myself which is rad, so I get to do whatever I want. And that will consist of exercising for the first time in a while (cause its been too darn HOT in my apartment in the morning) and fasting. Plus I can go shopping for healthy food because we have NONE in the apartment and when I have no healthy options I put myself in a really dangerous spot. I need to give myself something to run to or I will give in to the desire to eat horribly. I am not one of those people that can have junk food in the house just for the sole purpose of masochistically torturing myself with it; I won't even let it get that far, I'll just eat it. I am a "get it away from me and get it away from me NOW" person.

Another sidenote:
Do you guys ever go out and all of a sudden you become very aware of your stomach because it is sore because you just realized you've been unconsciously sucking it in the whole time so no one can see your gut? I did that at the bar and I was amazed to notice that I do that w/o trying, which is cool and way better than looking 4 mo. preggo. In a sweatshirt or my work smock it doesn't matter but in a skin tight shirt I better be hiding that little pooch. Ick.

Well I suppose its time to see what the rest of you are up to and, I dunno, sleep. So theres my update.

Oh, and my high school 5 year reunion is tomorrow. I'm on the fence about going and I'm falling onto the "don't bother" side. Part of me is intrigued but most of me doesn't care, especially cause its only 5 years. Don't get me wrong, I can't believe its already been 5 years, but I haven't changed significantly enough nor do I think anyone of great interest will be there to warrant my presence. Plus I don't think anyone gives a shit if I were there or not; I wasn't exactly a vocal presence in my senior class.

Wow, I'm actually sleepy. But I'm still compelled to lurk on the blogs for a while and read some updates. So I shall do that.

XOXO, think skinny today! Water coffee fast with me!!!!!

peace

Emily