Down 4.2 lbs!

Yay! I'm 151.4 lbs currently! Beats the 155.6 of three days ago!

As I was discussing via text with Becca it really sucks when you starve and starve for a few days and you're doing really good, then you check your weight and its the same as three days ago. Didn't lose a pound. This phenomena led me to binge horribly on Taco Bell the other night. I thought, "If its not working anyway, then who gives a fuck??" Bad attitude, ladies. Keep your eye on the prize. When its not working, just keep going anyway. Maybe have one higher-cal day to kick your metabolism and then keep starving. It HAS to work . It DOES work. You just need motivation!

So anyway, I'm 2 lbs away from being in the 140's once AGAIN. I really hope I don't fuck it up this time. I remember writing a post a few months ago about being about 146 lbs and going out for the night and having a really, really great night because I felt SKINNY. Plus, I'm on a mission to lose as much weight as I can and be as well behaved as I can before August, which at some point will be the 1 year anniversary of starting a blog and really giving a name and a mission statement to my personal struggle. I've had eating problems for a while, but since starting a blog and gaining personal support I've lost more weight than I ever have while trying alone. So I want it to be worth it.

Two days ago I went on my second mushroom trip. It was pretty awesome, plenty of visuals, I went on a 20 minute walk and almost couldn't find my way back to my porch (I was one apartment building too early and I got scared) and the blacklight room we created with Beatles music and lava lamp and such was a really cool place to be. I had no sense of time and I have no idea what happened in that 5-6 hours. However, I tripped harder this time than I did the first time, so I am inclined to say that I liked the first trip better just because I remember more of it. This past one was like being drunk; theres big parts of it I don't remember. But I guess thats the nature of a trip, you need to enjoy it while its happening because its hard to recreate or remember. To those of you who don't trip, your body feels like its pretty buzzed-drunk (right before you get stumbly-drunk) and your head feels like you're dreaming. So I guess I could say it feels like being drunk in a very vivid dream, and seeing everything in ultra-3D. Everything was in 3D! My orchid flowers were dancing! Lol.

My boy made a big batch of fresh salsa. I love when we have fresh salsa. I eat it like a meal. Even if I ate the whole bag of chips with it, which I don't, it would only be a few hundred calories, mostly in the chips themselves. Its healthy and it fills me up and we have a lot so thats what I'll be eating for the next few days and hopefully I'll coast into the 140's!

I'll be camping this weekend so trying to eat healthy while three people are watching me will probably be moot. It never works well. I'm not even allowed to be self-conscious. But we usually don't eat all day, we just eat two big meals throughout the day. Its the big meals that do it. But whatever. I'll try to get over my hangups to have fun. Plus, we might be tripping again with more of our shrooms, although not a hard trip. Probably half of what we did on Saturday, which may leave me feeling like I did on my first trip. Which I'm okay with. And we'll be up north with nothing but pitch blackness and stars and it is just so beautiful that tripping under the stars will be magical.

Sorry for all the drug talk. I'm really not a "bad" person. I've done four things - (coffee excluded) cigarettes, alcohol, marijuana, mushrooms, the latter two I prefer because they are organic and all-natural. No LSD, no PCP, no E, etc. Not even coke. I hope I don't scare any followers away because I'm one of "them". Then again, this is my blog and I'm just being honest.

California - legalize in November 2010!

Okay, well, I'm off to eat some salsa and think skinny thoughts. Hope you all do well today!

Peace

Emily