Lilacs are Wonderful

....I love spring flowers.

So my camping trip was fun. The mosquitoes weren't but after the fire was started they kind of stayed away.

My eating? Atrocious.

We are finishing up the last of the camping food tonight (spent $80 on that shit, I ain't letting it go to waste!) and then I am DONE with pudgie pie leftovers! No more sandwiches! Down with reubens! (they make AWESOME pudgie pies if you like reubens).

Ugh. The sooner we move, the better. I'm not one to wish my life away (okay, I am) but I CAN'T WAIT to have a wonderful apartment and no extra money to spend on worthless takeout and junk food! PLUS the whole being on the trail thing, I'll have no "I don't feel like walking" or "I have nowhere to walk or run" or "I don't feel like dragging my bike out from storage" because I'll be right on a walk/bike trail and I'll have a garage.

I am so optimistic about that place, like thats the missing piece in my quest for thinness. Of course thats a big fat lie, I always feel like theres something I'm missing that is keeping me from being thin. Uh, yeah, its called self control. Get some.

But the trail won't hurt.

Its so funny, theres this lazy, fat, slow, stupid girl at work that everyone hates. She has a pretty face but everything below the neck is probably 200 lbs or more at about my height, 5'7". She had a baby in Feb. and took 12 week maternity leave because she's that goddamned lazy, and this is her first week back. Before she left she kept saying she'd lose the baby weight and by the time she came back she'd be all skinny and shit and we were all thinking "We won't hold our breath." And its a good thing we didn't because other than a lack of slight baby-shaped roundness to her tummy, you can barely tell she even had a baby....she looks the same. Eating candy bars and chips for lunch isn't going to magically drop all that weight, honey. Its just funny to hear that and see her come back unchanged. When I started writing that I thought it would be more monumental but realizing you all don't know her, its more of a "you'd have to be there" thing.

OH MY GOSH I'm going through facebook and untagging all the pictures I don't want my name associated with (who the fuck gave my mother permission to get facebook? I don't want her to see me drunk!) I just found an old one where someone picked me up and they're holding me and if you could weigh those thunder thighs alone they'd each be 50 lbs. I mean, my god. How did I let myself go so much after high school? Luckily its old and although the thighs they are still thunderous I don't think they're THAT big anymore. Or maybe I'm just lying to myself.

Did you know that if you ask Victoria's Secret to send you catalogues you'll get about one a week? I mean I've only bought one lingerie, a few undies, NO bras (not til I'm skinny and I deserve 'em!), and some scented stuff, really I'm not their best customer by far, so they don't need to send me THAT many catalogues, but it is really good thinspo! Each catalogue has the same shit as the week before, they're wasting paper.....

But I'm saving them to flip through at weak moments. Theres this one picture with a girl with a FANTASTIC ass, I'd eat ice cream off of it. Its beautiful. I know they're airbrushed but you gotta think that if she had at least a little cellulite, you'd still see it. Not one damned dimple. I bet she's never eaten a reuben sandwich in her life.

This post is really pointless. I just wanted to update and let people know I'm alive, and still fat. STARTING TOMORROW I'm back on track. I just couldn't throw away $80 of food. Maybe $10....not $80.

You know, right before I went camping I was at a point where I was so starved, I actually got an upset stomach FROM eating. Like my stomach forgot how to digest. It was a bad enough heartburn type feeling that it deterred me from eating more. Of course I went camping and muscled past it and ruined that but I'm hoping I can get that back, because it was pretty rad.

Okay, I need to go back to Facebook. I have people from work asking me why I haven't added their friend requests after so many months. Woops. Thats because I have somewhat of a position of authority now and I don't want my underlings to know that I'm a drunk fool. I'll let them figure that out themselves. :)

Later, my lovelies, you are so much stronger than I.