Clean Insides?

Salt water flush went pretty well, I think. It brought a lot of stuff with it, let me just say that.

It worked in a little over an hour for me, although not with the, erm, explosive results I was expecting.

It would work good as a fast-acting laxative, so if I ever get desperate waiting for laxies to kick in I can do one of these in the meantime.

Here's what I'll do differently next time.

1) Take a laxative first, wait the 5-12 hrs, and let most of the junk clear itself out.
2) THEN do the flush, to rid of the excess. (You KNOW laxatives never fully clean stuff up.)
3) Drink 6-8 cups of salt water, instead of four. And 1 tablespoon of salt, instead of two teaspoons. Four was difficult to drink, and even more water will be even more difficult, but I like the feeling of volume, and I think the more water there is the more stuff will move along.

I can even do one at work! I'm no stranger to popping laxies at work, and if they started working while I was there, I could chug saltwater out of my water bottle and no one would be any the wiser!

So all in all, I am a fan of the saltwater flush.

I was so mad. I went to my local "We have EVERYTHING" grocery store, you know the type, the huge one. They have alllllll the other types of tea in the Traditional Medicinals brand, as recommended by a fellow blogger. But when I look at the tags on the shelf, I see they are all out of one type, the one I want (of course), the senna laxative tea. FUCK. I don't know of any other store around here that even sells that brand! There was another box of something else there but it cost twice as much, and I'm trying to save money.

I haven't eaten yet today. I was going to make a ham sandwich but I haven't yet and I might just roll with that. Or eat half now and half later. And lots of coffee! I need to get back into coffee drinking full swing. When I was really losing is when I was drinking a pot of coffee a day.

Did I mention a robin built a nest on our porch? I may have. Well she laid 4 little eggs in there, and I took them out so they would get cold and die. No, I am not a heartless bitch, but she just can't stay there if we're moving in 3 weeks. I put four little aquarium gemstones in there to see if she'd still sit on them. She did, but now she's gone. She leaves periodically during the day so either she's getting a bite to eat or she knows the jig is up. I feel horrible but its better that murdering four little blind nestlings after they hatch. Now theres a finch stealing sticks from her nest for its own nest. She just can't get a break.

I feel like moving will help my weight loss so much. I will be much less tempted to uselessly spend money. I WANT TO RUN ON THAT TRAIL UNTIL MY HEART STOPS. I want to do what it takes. I wish I couldn't even afford food. I could get so thin eating a can of veggies a week.

What a horrible thought to even think.

And maybe it will spark further weight loss in Josh too. Because he's overweight and [hey, robin's back!] since my journey started its made me hyper sensitive to fat, including fat on other people. I can't help but feel judgmental and whenever I look at him I just see a project. Like, how can I get him thin? Because he's unacceptable the way he is now. I can't help but resent him now for something so dumb as that. I think it manifests itself in small ways in our lives, and sometimes he asks me why I don't like him anymore, because "it just seems like I don't feel the same way I used to."

I don't feel the same way about anything anymore. Especially sex. Could care less about that, buddy. Get comfy taking care of yourself. Because you don't have needs, you have wants. If you could control your wants maybe you wouldn't be fat in the first place. Sex isn't a NEED. If it was, I'd be dead already from self induced sex deprivation. I have more important things to do than lay there for an hour while you make yourself feel good using my body. Its not like he objectifies me or anything, I just feel nothing. I feel numb.

Okay well, I better go wake him up now. I hate waking him up. It takes forever. Why can't he just get up as soon as he's awake? Or wake up with the alarm he set 2 hours ago? Why even set an alarm?

Robin looks like she can't get comfy on her "eggs". They're glass, they probably got cold while she was away. Ugh, I feel so bad about the whole thing. Poor bird.

Time for coffee.

Emily