Ana Karma is a Bitch

After reading Mina Belle's post about Ana Karma, I thought "Ya know, this really has been a week of Ana Karma." At least for me, anyway.

Wed night at a local dive bar is $6 all you can drink beers or rail mixers, so I took advantage of it with Josh and some people from work as well as high school friends. I was just starting to get my cold that day but other than that I was feeling pretty good. I wore a new cleave-tastic American Eagle tshirt and some jeans, and when I went there....I don't know....I just felt like I was ON. At that point in the week I had done some significant weight loss and I was down to 146. I was just beginning to think I *may* FINALLY be noticing some changes in the mirror. I had a bit of confidence, a bit of booze, and I was flaunting it. I was getting checked out. I pretended not to notice.

Even one of the guys I work with who was supposedly harboring a secret crush on me told me I looked great! I don't know what it was....I guess thats what thin feels like! I'm sure far off from thin but that little taste of it was fantastic! I can't wait til I'm really thin and feel awesome all the time!!

Fast forward 15 hours later. Back at work. Have the chills, so I'm wearing a sweatshirt, like I usually do. Dumpy and fat-looking, but I don't care, I have a full-blown cold now. Three people made a comment about it. "Oh, not all dolled up today?" or "Oh, she's wearing a sweatshirt again." So people only notice me when my boobs are showing, apparently. (Typical male workplace). This is the day I find out about getting my new position, and celebrating henceforth with a reuben sandwich. Sin #1.

I come home, and take a celebratory puff off the pipe I haven't touched in two or three weeks, before I had word yet on whether or not they were gonna give me the job. (I didn't think they'd test me [they didn't] but I was just being safe.) Uh oh, forgot about munchies. Now I'm eating 500 calories of (mostly healthy but unnecessary nonetheless) food we have lying around. Sin #2.

Yesterday I call in sick and spend the day with Josh. Was up to ~500 calories at about 6 pm. Should have stopped there. Did I? Well I think you can guess the answer to that. NO.

Josh took me out to Old Country Buffet. Yes, Buffet, the word that should make all you readers' skin crawl right now, as it did mine last night. But I agreed to it anyway. I thought I took it easy but apparently there is no EASY at a MF-ING BUFFET! That was my treat from Josh for getting the job, so I couldn't say no. And its better than his original plan, to make me a CAKE (ahh!) that looked like a circuit board. (I work at a factory that assembles circuit boards and electronics). Sin #3.

Ana was willing to be forgiving for the reuben, but 3 sins is a little too far, and she punished me good. Like I said yesterday I was *145* for the briefest brief moment in history (it was probably on that day I went to the bar which is why I felt so good that day), and I'd like to go back to that. But I'm going to have to lose 4 lbs again, the SAME four pounds I so tediously fasted and slaved over last week.

"You'd think she'd learn by now....silly little Emily," says Ana.

Sorry this is long winded but I really wanted to let you guys know that Ana can be a bitch...but only when its well warranted. Never lose sight of the goal, ladies. The reuben ain't worth it. 145 felt WAY too good to let it slip through my fingers. She may forgive you for a little sin here and there but when little sins add up to big sins in the course of three days she finds out about it and makes you hurt.

(Especially at 2 in the morning when your laxatives FINALLY kick in.)

Ugh.

Fast today, fast tomorrow. I can do it! I CAN DO IT!

PEACE

Emily



P.S. I haven't had a gym membership in almost 3 years, but I had to cancel it because I never had any time for it. Theres a gym about a mile away from me that is open 24/7/365. I want a membership SOOOO bad!! I didn't think I could allot for it in my budget before but with a $1+ pay raise I might be able to now! I'm going to keep casually bringing it up around Josh until I spring it on him. I want it! Plus, they have a week free trial. We could go together! I really need to go AFTER work, and this place is the only one open after 10!

I could lose so much quicker if I were working out! I need to get back in shape!