Help Me if You Can, I'm Feeling Down

I was a good girl today. I fasted all day. I didn't even plan to, it just happened. I drank a whole french press of coffee with almond milk, and the caffeine killed any appetite. Then I had to go to work. I put a bagel (230 cals) in a ziploc bag in case I got so hungry and nauseous at work I had to throw in the towel or die, but I left it in my car so I'd have to go walk out in the cold and work for my food. (Like my ancestors did.) I don't have any cash so I couldn't eat crap from the vending machines.

But I got away with only having a Coke Zero for lunch. (Amazingness in a can.) After lots of futile grumbling, my tummy quieted and left me alone all day. My head was fuzzy and I couldn't quite think as straight. But I didn't feel too hungry. Its weird, some days I can fast no problem, I don't even think about it all day. Some days I can't even go a few hours without eating SOMETHING for fear my stomach will eat me alive from the inside out. I treated myself ONE string cheese (70 cals) for being so good, and allowing myself plenty of blog time since Josh is gone right now, hanging out with friends for a few hours.

Speaking of Josh, he's pushing to start his "California Diet" again. See, he lived in Cali for 10 months with his stepbrother 2 years ago, and together they lost a ton of weight, I guess to live the true fabulous Cali lifestyle. The principles were pretty basic, drinking a ton of water, eating under 1000 cals a day, vitamins and green tea diet pills, and 1 "cheat" meal a week. He lost like 30 lbs (and gained it all back when he came back to Wisco). They mostly ate Lean Cuisine meals, because its real food (as real as TV dinners get) and the calorie content is written right on the box. As he's explaining it to me it was hard not to chuckle. It went like this:

J: "So do you want to diet with me then?"
E: (I already am?) "Sure."
J: "Well you can eat more than me because I'm trying to have less than 1000 calories a day. I'll end up losing 10 lbs a month until my goal is reached."
E: (trying to act surprised because I'm supposed to think less than 1000 is a small amount. Little does he know I've been trying to have 500 or less every day) "What is your goal? I'd like to lose 30 pounds."
J: "30? Shut the fuck up, you are not 30 pounds overweight. I'd like to lose 30-35."
E: (already lost 20 pounds, hoping to be in the 110's someday) "okay."


So basically what this means for me is less sneaking around him. There will be healthier choices around because he'll be dieting too, and it will be less noticeable when I'm eating nothing because he'll be eating nothing too. Free ticket to ana-ville. This is just what I needed to get me going; nobody to hide from at home. According to him, the diet doesn't start til Monday (I've got one hell of a head start on him) and for me the motivation will be the competition. He thinks >1000 is low? I'll show him. 500 or less cals for me, sir! It will be a silent competition. But I'll be winning.

Oh, I'll be winning.

Starting today, with a fast.

Let the games begin!!