Okay, I don't want to post something long winded today. I just finished reading Wintergirls yesterday and I tabbed a page because it had a quote on it that was super-fantastic. It kind of explains for the everyday person what a person with no self-esteem feels.
As a preface: Lia is dealing with the death of her friend Cassie. They were friends for a long time and kind of shared an eating disorder together. They stopped talking for a few months, and then all of a sudden Cassie died, and Lia is having a hard time with it.
" 'Cindy wants to talk to you,' Mom says. 'She told me you were the only person who could help her understand why.'
'Why?'
She nods. 'Cassie had everything: a family who loved her, friends, activities. Her mother wants to know why she threw it all away?'
Why? You want to know why?
Step into a tanning booth and fry yourself for two or three days. After your skin bubbles and peels off, roll in coarse salt, then pull on long underwear woven from spun glass and razor wire. Over that goes your regular clothes, as long as they are tight.
Smoke gunpowder and go to school to jump through hoops, sit up and beg, and roll over on command. Listen to the whispers that curl into your head at night, calling you ugly and fat and stupid and bitch and whore and worst of all 'a disappointment.' Puke and starve and cut and drink because you don't want to feel any of this. Puke and starve and cut and drink because you need an anesthetic and it works. For a while. But then the anesthetic turns into poison and by then it's too late because you are mainlining it now, straight into your soul. It is rotting you and you can't stop.
Look in a mirror and find a ghost. Hear every heartbeat scream that everysinglething is wrong with you.
'Why?' is the wrong question.
Ask 'Why not?' "
Wintergirls by Laurie Halse Anderson.
I have a signed copy of her book Speak (also a great read.) She came around to our local library 5 years ago to, well, speak, and I got her to sign a copy. Shes a wonderful person and a fantastic writer, as if she were a 17 year old girl right now. She gets it. I suggest you read it sometime. Its thinspiring. :)
Peace,
Emily
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- Emily
- I'm a lifetime student of the School of Self-Loathing. I feel like I have no control over anything in my life and I want to control something I know I can. I want to be thin. I want to use starving as self destruction and thinness as a means of getting what I want. This is my Ana blog...my Analog. Email me at: negativespaceblog@gmail.com
2 comments:
I love Speak. The cover is really intriguing too! I've read it twice, I think it was made into a movie, but I haven't seen it. I usually like the books a lot better than the movies.
Hey, just came across your blog its really good:). Im going to read it all ina minute.
That book sounds really good, im going to have to try and find a book shop round here that sells it.
Oh and i have a question, how long did it take you to get to 157lbs? and did you follow any diet plans, restricting or good old fasting? and did you exercise, if so how much? . . Sorry for the a million and one questions, but im 172lbs:|:| at the moment and always seem to get to 160 then shoot back up to 172(n).
Have a good weekend:):)
Lexy xx
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