High

...on life, that is. Been off the other stuff since June, unfortunately. But thats neither here nor there.

I'm high because today and yesterday have been grrrrrrreat! eating wise. Does anybody else feel a sick sense of satisfaction when they're empty? Like, I feel my tummy grumble, my heads a little dizzy and lightheaded, my limbs slightly weak, and I feel like I smoked the fattest joint ever. I have such a euphoria when I feel like its working, and it makes me so happy! Even at my shitty job!

Like yesterday, I planned on eating a 250 cal bagel and nothing else. But my fiance was home all day and said he was making me dinner, so I modified my plans a little. I planned on eating when I got home so I ate NOTHING all day. Well, a few tiny things. They ordered chinese food at work and I drank my Coke Zero for lunch and ate a fortune cookie (20 cals). Someone handed me an eggroll cause he knew I like them and I couldn't turn it down, so I took 1 bite and swallowed it in front of him, then shoved the whole thing in my mouth and chewed it as I walked away, then I went to the bathroom and spit the rest of it in TP and flushed it. Thats the first time I tried the chew-but-don't-swallow trick and it worked nicely! I swallowed 1 bite so I felt like I ate it, I got the taste of it which of course tasted good, but then I spit the rest out and didn't get all the calories and fat! (minus the 1 bite.) Success! When I came home, Josh had a salmon fillet made up, some wild rice, and green beans, which I ate, and then ate some chocolate ice cream with Andes chocolate mints on top. So calorie-wise I don't even want to think about it because it probably was really bad, BUT the only calories from the day were dinner. I advise that if you know you HAVE to eat dinner, you plan accordingly. You have less of a guilty conscience knowing its the only thing you ate all day. Despite eating last night, I felt good.

Today, I'm feeling brave. I know I've been saying I can't do absolutely-no-calorie days, but I'm feeling strong. Yesterday I ate nothing ALL DAY til I got home, and I thought to myself you know, this isn't too bad. If I can make it almost all day, I can make it all day. It wasn't too gruesome. If I didn't have the dinner planned, I could have made it the rest of the night, no calories. I think I can do it! I know I have to eat Sunday because we're having people over to watch football, and tomorrow is mandatory overtime and they provide lunch for us so I might have to eat a lil something tomorrow (I'll make sure that the provided lunch is the ONLY thing I eat tomorrow), and since I ate a big dinner last night, I'm accomodating for all those calories yesterday and in the next few days by not eating anything today. I'm attempting my first
official true "fast". Wish me luck and strength, I'll need it!

So far I've had three cups of black coffee, and I don't count the calories in coffee in my daily intake. They're pretty insignificant, anyway. For break I'll have a mug of green tea with a smidge of honey, and for lunch I'll have a Coke Zero. Its not hard not-eating at break and lunch in front of my coworkers, cause I hardly ate lunch at work anyway to begin with, even before all this. Usually I just ran out of time and didn't make/bring a lunch, or would just forget. I'm also usually just too lazy to put something together and would just wait til I get home to eat. So fortunately I have that going for me; tea for lunch wasn't uncommon for me to begin with. Plus, I can always tell Josh I ate a big lunch at work and I "don't have room for dinner". I love those situations, where you can tell the people at work you ate at home, and you can tell the people at home you ate at work. An Ana's best friend!

Okay I have to leave for work in 7 minutes so I need to get my work shoes on and such. Wish me luck on my first day of trying out a True Fast! I love you girls, you're my strength and inspiration!

Think thin thoughts!

xoxo

Peace,
Emily