Ok, Debbie Downer (lol SBB!) time to be in a better mood mmmkay?
I think my angry mood of the last two days has been partially hormonal. I mean, I think you guys can agree that you'd have had a bad weekend too in my position, but I don't think the imminent PMS helped me out at all. It *has* to be PMS. Last night I wanted something salty and crunchy, and today I could go for some chocolate. Today, I'm in a better mood. My fiance is out with friends and will be spending the night there, so I have the place to myself for the night. I am going to relax and drink a Coke Zero and give myself a break today. Oftentimes, after one or two of my super-depressing days, I have a nice, upbeat, great mood day. Its so regular its almost predictable, and sometimes its the only thing I have to look forward to. When I'm having a really bad day I can usually count on the next day being pretty good, and its something to get happy about....
Tomorrows a new day.
Today I did pretty well in the calorie realm, although I feel so hungry and empty right now I feel like I haven't eaten ANYTHING. I'm high on empty stomach, dizziness, and slight hunger headache, and its so GOOD! I had a hotdog, a slice of bread, and a can of Starbucks Doubleshot Energy + Coffee. The Starbucks thing was probably unnecessary, but I wanted it anyway. All in all, thats about 470 cals. I'd rather it was in the 200-300 range but I'm getting better, and its a lot better than yesterday. It was the coffee drink in a can that screwed it up for me. Right now I'm having "soup" (big bowl of hot water with 2 chicken boullion cubes in it and a spoonful of rice) to warm me up because I have been FREEZING all day! And normally I'm not one of those types of girls thats perpetually cold. Especially at work, which is somewhat temperature regulated to protect our product. Its usually between 70-76 degrees there. That means I was cold all on my own...I think thats an ana byproduct. I didn't think I'd get cold this early in the game, I've only been at this for about a month and have only lost about 15-20 lbs (it varies), and it doesn't even show yet in my physique because I'm just that fat. I had goosebumps and shivered all day. It was marvelous :)
Okay, I'm wasting my precious alone time. I'm off to do some commenting on all of your blogs, and then play The Sims 3, where life is ALWAYS fantastic. Thank you for the comments and well wishes, and I'm sorry to dump on you guys on my last post. Strength and Becca, you always have nice things to say, and are very thinspiring. Thank you <3
As for everyone else, thank you too <333
Peace,
Emily
Search
The One and Only
- Emily
- I'm a lifetime student of the School of Self-Loathing. I feel like I have no control over anything in my life and I want to control something I know I can. I want to be thin. I want to use starving as self destruction and thinness as a means of getting what I want. This is my Ana blog...my Analog. Email me at: negativespaceblog@gmail.com
5 comments:
I've only lost about 16 pounds and I'm noticing being chilly in restaurants and stuff a lot... hmmm. (and believe me, I am by no means a skinnie minnie yet!) I'm totally stealing your "soup" recipe- the chicken bouillon cubes and a spoonful of rice.. that actually is sounding like.. WAY WAY WAY yummy.
as far as sex goes-- ugh. How long can I be "on my period" I'm just started to feel wrapped up in myself, and I feel so vulnerable when I'm naked. I just want to wrap up inside my clothes and keep everyone out. I don't want intimacy. I don't want closeness, I want thin-- and you have to push people away sometimes... thats just the way it is. I used to love sex and now the thought of it makes me so nervous. soooo scared and massive. my thighs look BIGGER at 16 pounds less than they did at my HW! for reals...
I'm glad your day is going better! I had a spout of anger this afternoon, resentment... and regret... I was so maaaad. I had to snap myself out of it because I could feel a great big fight coming on.
You did SUCH a great job today! way to go, seriously, such a "thinspiration" to see you being strong, it really encourages me! :) Keep it up ('cause that helps me keep it up too!)
....sorry for the novella!
much love, chica! Think thiiiiin
Xoxo, Becca
haha i've been cold too!!!
great job on keeping the calories down!! you'll be skinny before you know it. =) keep up the good work!!
EMPTINESS IS STRENGTH
xoxo
-Strength
I love those starbucks energy drinks, I lived on like 3 a day for a month. Had to break myself, it was a fortune up here. I managed to lose 5 lbs that month though cuz that's all I was taking in ; ) And I love the Sims 3, if I had more time, I'd be on like 5 hours a day, so much fun! Keep being strong, enjoy your Coke Zero and your alone time!
Great work keeping the calories down! That soup idea definietly sounds like a great idea...soup is great (well anything hot) because it makes you fuller faster: ice cold speeds up metabolism & hot fills you up! Great rule to follow.
I find (especially in the beginning) my moods varied between high and low because of the restricting, it surely has a psychological effect but after a while you just get use to it (or at least I did). It's a good idea to keep reminding yourself you're in for a good day while you're having a bad, might be good to stop from binging!
a little hope is always good
stay stong & think thin
good luck today (thursday!)
omg you've lost 15 - 20 lbs in about a month? That is AWESOME! Think about that when you're almost becoming a victim to your pms cravings hun! Oh &.. ok I don't know if this is something you would ever consider... but k:
I am a moody person at the best of times; & a downright bitch on a pms day. I was at GNC about a week & a half ago & I saw these pills called "HAPPY PILLS" (yellow happy face bottle & everything) but they were in the weightloss section. I recall looking at them a few mths back but decided on the hard-core give you anxiety & jitters crap... so I figured wtf I'll try them. & wow. This week was my period.. & I feel much less pmsy, my overall moods are way better.. & they are suppose to help with weightloss (for me it works because I'm an emo-eater =P ). But yeah I just thought I would share that little bit of info just incase you'd like some assistance in the mood-&-weight department =). Oh & you only take 2 pills once a day with some sort of calorie.. I loved that part =P
Hope you enjoyed your alone time!
xo
Post a Comment