ABC...Easy as 123...kind of.

I started the ABC on Friday. I was curious about it for a while and since I've been sick of my unstructured calorie intake I thought I should give it a go. So far, so good. Its actually really exciting to me. 50 days of shameless restricting? Yes please! Its odd to be ridiculously excited about something and people can tell you're happy but you can't tell them why. Because I'm starting a rigid starvation diet with the type of structure I need to make real progress and I'm fucking ecstatic! Duh!

I had to come up with some rules for myself cause I KNOW it will be impossible to do all the way through 100%. I live with someone, Halloween is nearly here (been avoiding candy so far), Thanksgiving will happen within the next 50 days, people will force me to eat, and I may have moments of weakness and binges (and hopefully suffer appropriately for them). Rather than getting discouraged and starting over, I will make up the best I can with impromptu fasts or just count it as a "Fail" day and move on from it. I am documenting every day of this diet and will keep track of how many "Fail" days I've had, which will motivate me to have even fewer the next time I do ABC. Its my first time; I don't want to be TOO hard on myself. I will periodically report progress but I'm hoping to shed some serious inches and poundage. Then every time I do it will be a challenge to have the lowest number of "Fail" days. I would hate to have to start over every time I fail. That's just ridiculous to set yourself up to fail every time you try.

1) I am allowing myself to go about 50 calories over the limit without serious punishment because sometimes its hard to get it exactly right or under, as long as I don't make a habit of it.

2) If I'm over 50 over the limit, I should try to make it up a different day (like, if I'm 100 over, take 50 off the next two days' allowances, or do a fast or something).

3) If I'm WAY over, say I was forced to eat, went out to eat, or binged, just count it as a fail and move on. If I can manage, I can fast the next day if I feel overly guilty. Otherwise, just keep moving forward. 50 days of starvation will overall pay off, even with a few mishaps. It just has to.

4) I am at liberty to switch days within the week. (I have them all organized by weeks.) Say I'll have an easier time getting away with a 100-cal day on Tuesday rather than Thursday, I can switch it with a different day of the week. I've also been a little liberal with the amounts, say it was a 500 day and the next was 100, if I only did 400 the day before I'll allow myself to do 200 the next day, if I have to. (This will come in handy the week of Thanksgiving, that's the week that the 800 cal day happens to fall on which is the highest calorie day of the entire diet and I'll switch it with whatever calorie day Thanksgiving is, so even if I do overdo it on Thanksgiving I don't have to feel too bad. I was a bit relieved to discover that.)

Since this is a secret diet of mine, and nobody's holding me accountable but me, I'm making it as easy for me to accomplish as possible. I don't find these rules unreasonable and its helped me stick with it thus far, and I think by the end they will be the only things that have made it possible as a whole.

The only way that serious restriction would even be possible around Josh was to get him back into his "Diet" on which he lost a bunch of weight to adhere to the California lifestyle when he lived there for 9 months. It too is a restrictive diet. (Its been mentioned in previous posts of mine.) He'll just put back on the weight anyway but if we're both restricting (and I'm way better at it - Ha!) mine will be less noticeable. Plus, he didn't even notice when I went from 170 to 140. Everyone else did, not him. Granted he sees me all the time (but still!). I am depending on that fact to hopefully drop me further from 140 to 120 and hopefully he still won't see it. I've already gotten good at restricting around him and we haven't technically started the diet yet. He works 12 hour weekends every other weekend so I can use my rule to move all my lowest calorie days to those weekends and starve like crazy!

Also, I went on the Depo shot in August (hate hate hate it - waiting for the fucker to wear off) and one of the side effects of it is weight gain. I've heard horror stories, like women gaining 40 lbs and shit. I did my best to avoid that and I haven't gained at all. However, I told him I gained like 7 lbs and I plan my "gain" ultimately being 10 lbs that I'll be working to "lose". He has no idea I haven't gained at all and he knows I'm self conscious and would want to lose that so that gives me 10 lbs to freely lose that he thinks is extra but has actually been there all along. I feel so conniving and sneaky but it really works out for me.

I even came up with a helpful plan for Thanksgiving already, to make it less stressful. I had the great idea that if all the food there except maybe the turkey scares me, then why don't I bring my own fucking food?? Its typical to bring a dish to pass to a family meal anyway, why don't I just bring a huge dish of steamed veggies or something (and maybe also a dessert - to satisfy my indulgence in food porn and cooking and make it look less like I'm having eating issues) and when it comes time to eat, take some white meat turkey, a tiny helping of mashed potatoes, an even tinier helping of that delicious green bean casserole that always makes an appearance this time of year that I can't resist, and then fill 80% of my plate on my very-low-cal veggies I brought. Hell, I don't even have to make them, I just need to get 3 or so bags of those veggies that steam themselves in the microwave and a dish to put them in. No dessert, no cheesy potatoes, no other fatty sides....let them eat that shit. If I'm bringing something that makes me feel safer, I feel a lot better about Thanksgiving already. Feel free to steal that idea, I think its genius. ;P

I may post calorie counts and progress later, but right now I don't have the time. I'm already 5 days in and I've been pretty much on track. I've already lost 5 lbs so I'm doing something right.

Its exciting stuff :) The structure of planned days is actually a relief (planning what to do with those calories, however, is not so much.) I have a lot of healthy food around so this should hopefully go well. I'm optimistic.

I hope everyone is doing well lately. If you do an ABC, consider using my rules if you want, or make your own to make it easier. It would be so difficult to accomplish w/o otherwise, unless you're in complete solitude and never EVER binge. If you do join me, best wishes. :)

Peace