oh god oh god
I'm here in Walmart at 11pm fuh-REAKING out. They can't tell by looking at me but I am a mess. I just got gas and without thinking (actually it probably took some thought - maybe even deliberation) I went throught the Burger King drive thru and got a fucking burger meal. It even has the word "whopper" right in it which is what I'll be. I wasn't really hungry or craving it but I got it anyway for NO FUCKING REASON and I just took a bunch of laxies and I am hating myself so much right now and oh m god I just can't make it stop. I am FASTING until I am forced to eat again. I hope I never eat again, ever. Seriously, what the fuck just happened? GOD I wish I could purge. I can only hope to flush it away tomorrow. And maybe do a saltwater flush and make sure its all gone. I don't know, I am just hating myself and the full bloated belly that I can only blame myself for. Fuck I'm so fucking stupid.
20 January 2011
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6 comments:
it's like life is surreal for a moment and when you snap out of it you just bought food...i hate when that happens
We all do it! Honestly, it could have been worse, like if you'd been at home and had just eaten more and more and more, at least it was confined to what you'd picked up at the drive thru... And I totally get you on wanting to purge but not being able to, I'm exactly the same. You can bounce back, it will make you stronger!
I'm sorry! I hate that feeling when it's like you're not in your body, and you have no control over what it does. Like you're just a spectator. It sucks :(
i avoid drive through restaurants like the plague. I make it a policy not to ever go "out to eat" by myself. So no McDonalds, Wendy's, Chick-fil-a, or even a healthier option like Moes. Nope. I won't do it.
i hate when that happens. I never let myself get fast food. it screams fat. good luck with your goal!
xoxo
Strength
140
Hey fellow Wisconsin anorexic! Am back on blogger now, this time for good, and wondering if you want to be email buddies since we're so geographically close. I just got into UWMilw! Let me know if you're close. :)
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