Its Here

Christmas, I mean. It is upon us. I'm surprised at it's quick arrival every year, but I shouldn't be surprised. It's the same time every year, and I'm all like "Oh my God! Is Christmas here ALREADY??" If anything, Easter should surprise me, cause I never know when it is.

So I'm spending my Christmas eve keeping my head out of the fridge. It is NOT easy.

I have been kind of cleaning and straightening up (mostly slacking). I have just been in the weirdest moods about things lately. Actually, my problem is, I don't feel ANYTHING. I don't feel about work and I don't feel about home and I don't feel about Josh and I have been a big ball of numbness lately. Maybe its an outlet of underlying issues, like depression or something. I wish I could step out of myself for a moment, and just watch myself live. Maybe I could get my thoughts in order if I could see myself in an outsider's eyes, see how I'm living, how I come off....

I don't know. Ignore that whole paragraph, its pointless.

I had the weirdest breakfast craving this morning, which after indulging left me around 700-800 calories for the day. 2 eggs over medium, two pieces of toast with apple butter (surprisingly low calories in apple butter...I suggest you check it out), and a can of soup (again). Eggs, toast...and soup?? I'm overestimating it at 800 calories, to make myself feel worse, and discourage myself from eating anything else today. However, while I was at Walmart briefly today, I did get a box of edamame to try (individual serving steamable packets...90 cals, 8g of protein! Yes!) and these ADORABLE mini-bananas. Have you seen them? They're like 3 1/2 in long and they come in a little bunch....I imagine its like baby carrots or corn (read: not that special) but still...cute!!!! Also got 2 cucumbers.

Tomorrow I am visiting my parents and staying overnight til Sunday morning. Because I'm a 2nd shifter, I don't go to bed til maybe 2am, and I always get cravings and raid my mothers always-full fridge. I figured I'd head off any desire to eat a box of cereal by myself by bringing some of my own healthy alternatives. Pomegranate (my fave!), edamame, cucumber, tea, and maybe some of her veggies. I hope it works...

During thanksgiving, I didn't gain a pound. I focused on meat and veggies and only took very small amounts of carbs, and I mashed all my piles of food down so they spread out on my plate and it appeared as though my plate was full. I will take the same approach to christmas dinner, so hopefully I'll come out ahead. If I get hungry later I can eat my veggies or maybe pick at the turkey a little. I've worked so hard to be 140, I can't fall off the wagon now.

The best part is Josh and I are going to try to lose weight again starting January, so once again it will be soooo easy to restrict in front of him. This time, I need to make a greater effort to perpetuate it past April. Once summertime started to roll in we got turned on by brats and burgers and stopped giving a shit. I need to work to keep it going. Make brats and burgers and beer and chips and what-have-you a very occasional treat, not the norm.

Well, I guess I have nothing else intelligent to say. (Not like its been intelligent so far anyway...) I'm off to comment and keep my fucking head out of the fridge!!!

No bingey!


MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL!!! AND TO ALL AN EMPTY STOMACH!!!!

Peace