I'm back for a while. I haven't made myself any time for blogging, and I miss it. I feel like I never have enough time to do anything I want. I have to keep working to clean everything, or I'll hear griping about how I'm a big horrible slob. I have to work out an hour a day with P90X, and I'm already a few days behind. I have to try to plan meals and cook, which I'm failing horribly at. I have to look for a new job because I'm languishing where I'm at and I'm wasting my life. But then again my life is already a waste so what does that matter?
I suck at everything and I hate my fucking life. I'm sorry for only coming here to bitch but I'm having an anxiety attack because I'm stuck in my head and its all I can do to avoid slicing myself into ribbons with my exacto.
I'm sick of being fat. I'm sick of being a failure. I'm sick of my horrible life. I'm sick of not being able to handle life or myself. I just want to die. I want to cut.
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- Emily
- I'm a lifetime student of the School of Self-Loathing. I feel like I have no control over anything in my life and I want to control something I know I can. I want to be thin. I want to use starving as self destruction and thinness as a means of getting what I want. This is my Ana blog...my Analog. Email me at: negativespaceblog@gmail.com
1 comment:
MAKE TIME FOR BLOGGING!! =) Honestly having a place to get all the crap out of your head, and just be completely honest with what you're thinking/feeling/contemplating... is an absolute MUST! For your sanity you have no choice but to blog.. Dr's orders =P
Side note.. pls don't cut, especially if you're extremely upset.. I have a DISGUSTING scar on my left wrist because I cut when I was beyond upset.. I wonder if it would have been considered a suicide attempt.. hm.. Just don't do it kk?
I did P90X - I was doing it with my bf so I was doing the "Classic" workout plan or whatever, I felt like my arms were getting buff - and the bf was acting like a dick sooo I did it for um like 2.5/3weeks following the plan.. Not my type of workout. I burned 850 cals this morning doing cardio on my elliptical =)
I relate so much to your post... I hope you're feeling a bit more positive soon babe.
xo
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