Secrets Secrets

I am a secretive person. I can be an open book in other aspects of my life, but to keep my sanity I always have to have some sort of secret or "inside joke" with myself. As a kid, I always did stuff like that.

Like, when I was a kid, I would carve my initials into a windowsill or two, thinking that someday someone else would live in the house and find my initials and a date and by then I would be an old woman and it would be a cool discovery for that person (my mom found them and yelled at me, and my childhood home is now destroyed, so my windowsill is in a landfill somewhere now.) Or, I would always make secret code languages (basically assigning a random number or letter to ANOTHER letter so when I would write it would just be a jumble that only I could understand) and I will be the first to admit that I, a 22 year old woman, have one of these at work right now, so I can write hateful things about my asshole boss when I'm REALLY angry, and all it looks like is a bunch of numbers. Mature, eh?

At least I don't have any more imaginary friends. (Skippy, I know you're reading this over my shoulder. Go away.) :P

So johnstonbee has a ton of orange (her fave color) bracelets she wants to start wearing again now that she's begun her weight loss journey. I suggested to her that she puts one back on at a time after she hits a goal, like 1 bracelet every 5 lbs or something, so that she can wear her beloved bracelets again, she's making progress, and she's wearing "badges of honor" that only she knows the story behind. Everyone thinks she's wearing her favorite color, but she's really bragging she's lost 25 lbs, and nobody knows it but her.

So that got me thinkin. My secretive little gears were a-turnin. Why don't I make myself some bracelets? I would have some for weight loss goals, and I need to make a new red ana one because the one I made myself is too big. I could also make myself a "Fast Awareness For a Day" bracelet, so that when I wear it I CAN NOT eat any solid food for as long as I'm wearing it. Same thing with a "Liquid Fast" bracelet. I'm just talking those embroidery floss kind.


And then, theres the things I want to remind myself every day. I have four things that I strive for every day. Well, I try to. Sometimes I need a reminder. So I was going to make a bracelet with 4 colors to remind myself of these things, sort of like one of those Jesus bracelets with all the colors that mean different things, like red was for the blood he shed on the cross, green was for....hell I don't remember. I'll explain my colors:

Red/magenta: An ana reminder. Always try to keep ana on my mind. Always strive to go hungry. Always think thin. Always striving for perfection. Et cetera.

Yellow: Sunshine - strive to be like Laura, a ray of sunshine. Josh and I have a friend, Laura. Well, its his friend, but now she's mine too. She's cool shit. I idolize her in a lot of ways, more than Josh or Laura even know. She is always chipper, always lovely, always looking for something fun to do. But the real reason I want to be like her is because she SAVES MONEY, and I could learn a thing or two from her. She's one of those people that has a ton of rebates in the mail at any given moment, always finds coupons for free stuff, shops at rummage sales and thrift stores and finds cool things for cheap or practically free. Basically, she saves money as a hobby, and with the money she saves she travels all over the world! She's been to Egypt, Thailand, I think Europe, all over the US, she's always up to something new. I know she's not perfect, her fiance gripes to my fiance about stuff, but I'm sure Josh gripes about me too, its just men bitching about their ladies that they truly love. So yellow is always be thinking about saving money, always try to find cool stuff for cheap, and always be cool like Laura. She's kind of like a big sister I don't have. The nice part is she really likes me too, so we could be good friends.

Green: Always try to be a better person. Try to be a better fiancee, and not piss off Josh. Always try to pay attention and stop being so ADD and depressed and a big loser. Try to stop procrastinating and LIVE LIFE NOW. Try to live a good life to the fullest now, not later. Because as much as I keep thinking "When I grow up...", this is life. This is it. I shouldn't wait for later because if later never happens, what would I regret not doing right now? So green is a reminder to be a fucking human for a change, to live, to grow. Green, like life. (Thats why I didn't use green for the money one, I already had plans for green.)

Blue: Always be conscious of how I come off. I have nervous habits, biting my lips and picking skin off them, biting and picking skin off my fingers around my nails, stuff like that. STOP IT. Because when I do that enough, my fingers bleed, my lips bleed, and I just look like a neurotic mess. Plus I probably look weird when I do it. Stop being fidgety and weird. If I feel the urge to pick at skin or something, put on some Burts Bees, rub some lotion on my hands, and chew some gum or tap my toes or do anything else I can think of to stop being an anxious weirdo. Always try to look my best. Always make time to wear a little makeup (my bare-minimum is ALWAYS having mascara), only wear my sweatpants and such around the house, and save the fidgety skin biting and picking and weirdness for home. Always look my best.

So there you have it. I want to make a bracelet with those four colors, and then a red ana one, and then a Fasting one. One thing I do like about myself is being crafty and knowing how to make things like this, so I don't have to buy them, and I can use whatever colors I like.

If anyone is interested in learning how to make Friendship Bracelets, just Google it. There are thousands of pages out there, and they are SO EASY (a caveman could do it!).

Also, I noticed I have 48 followers! That is fantastic! Just like I said in my last post, I am REALLY feeling the love! I just got an idea, as soon as I have 50 followers I am going to do a 50 hour fast! Two days and two hours. Its do-able. It will be my celebration of all the love and camaraderie I feel here, and a dedication to all of you. So hold me accountable. I need two more followers!

Sorry this is so long, but I wanted to post about my newest "secret" project!

Love you all!

peace out

::EDIT:: Forgot to mention, you are all totally welcome to take this idea and run with it your own way. Lets bring them back in style like its the early 90's again! lol.