Thats right! Me! I suck!
What happened to all that awesome motivation and willpower?
All you can eat Papa John's is a bad, bad situation to find yourself in.
Especially when you're hungry, weak, and vulnerable to bad food.
I knew it would be there. I had to work today and thats what they fed us for lunch. I planned on fasting right through it but I felt so crappy physically after fasting all morning that I indulged. 4 slices of pizza. Blech. WTF is my problem?
Not to mention I wasn't able to say "no" to pizza on Thursday night either. Fucking pizza.
Plus, tonight is my friend's birthday party. Which means alcohol. Which means I am going to HAVE to control my alkie intake because A.) it is calorically dense and in order to make this pizza thing work in my favor I have to keep said alkie intake VERY low to stay at 1,000 or less and B.) if I get too drunk, I'll have to eat something to soak up alcohol or I'll have a bad hangover. Then I'll probably get a bad hangover anyway and tomorrow I'll have to eat stuff to soothe my angry tummy which blows any chance of restricting out of the water.
Be a good girl tonight be a good girl tonight be a good girl tonight.
If I act drunker than I feel (which may not be hard to do considering my tummy will be empty by then) then people won't try to coax me to drink more. I hope.
I am really hoping I can control my alcohol intake tonight. This could ruin the rest of my weekend.
I don't really have anything else significant to say. I am tired as hell having slept for four hours. I just wanted to update, I guess.
I'm boring. Sorry. :P
peace
Emily
P.S. Pray for Chile and Hawaii. Chile had an 8.8 mag earthquake this morning which created a tsunami wave headed towards Hawaii as I type this. Hope everyone gets out safely. :/
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The One and Only
- Emily
- I'm a lifetime student of the School of Self-Loathing. I feel like I have no control over anything in my life and I want to control something I know I can. I want to be thin. I want to use starving as self destruction and thinness as a means of getting what I want. This is my Ana blog...my Analog. Email me at: negativespaceblog@gmail.com
4 comments:
Sorry about the pizza :( Bummer. It is always hard when the food is just there for the taking, no questions asked. Good luck at the party tonight! Maybe always try to have a glass of water in your hand, so you won't be tempted to put a glass of wine/mixed drink there instead? Stay strong!
I think Sottile's idea of keeping water in hand is a great one! Maybe I'll have to try it for myself. Too bad I've got that horrible alcoholic mentality and anytime it's socially acceptable/expected that I drink, I'm more than willing and happy to do so, relishing the chance to let go and get fucking wasted to escape from my problems (because that's all I'm ever waiting for anyway, that escape)...umm, how did this comment become all about me? :P Sorry.
And no, you're not boring! :) I adore reading your posts, as well as your comments on mine. Thanks for your super sweet words on my most recent post; my boy IS cute, isn't he? Heh, I know I'm lucky to have him, and I tell him all the time. One of these days I'll be his wife, I tell you what. Then I'll be the luckiest woman on Earth. ;)
Enough with the corny, lovey dovey stuff. I'm thinking our parties tonight might be easier to bear if we keep one another in mind, offering positive vibes across the miles to try and help one another stay on track. How does that sound? Heh, I'd be willing to give you my number so we could text all night to keep each other in line, but posting said number here is a no-go, fo sho. Lemme know if you're down for a texting buddy and we could so make that happen. :)
I'd say the pizza thing wasn't a total loss. I've found that every once in a while, a little lapse in control ends up serving me well, reminding my body that I still feed it enough and all. My metabolism needs a little coddling here and there. Still no good excuse for what I just did, which was have a pretty good sized bowl of Total raisin bran and THEN 300 calories of yogurt and then 60 calories of prunes and then five bites of Manwich (yes, made with beef! at least it was lean?)...Sigh...longest comment ever award? Is it mine? :P
I feel the need to confess this sin in blog form, but I think I may abstain from doing so (since I kind of just confessed it to you) and do my art homework instead. I need to begin...begin. Yes. You're lovely! Stay that way.
Talk to you soon...
P.D.
Oh, and I forgot to say that the art project I'm doing is a study of negative space. :D When my professor first announced it I immediately thought of you. ;)
Insert encouraging comments here!
:)
Really, don't feel bad! I suck, too and so at least we arent alone! hah
anyways. she's right ^, sometimes eating a lot DOES work in your favor because it reminds your metabolism that you eat!
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