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God I was in such a weird mood last night.

Let me start out by saying work yesterday sucked a big fat one. Too complicated to explain, lets just say I was surrogate manager for part of the factory cause the real manager took off Friday, and I know nothing about this side of the factory anymore, and it was really stressful on me. Especially when you have an asshat of a supervisor breathing down your neck all night about useless shit.

Then I got a text from a friend from High School (I hardly see friends from HS anymore....hell, I hardly see friends anymore period) saying that he was having a party back in my hometown (about 10-15 miles from where I live now) I didn't really want to, but I went anyways. Sometimes they're fun, sometimes they're not. This one wasn't that great. My friends start partying way early, so by the time I got there at 11:30, it was down to a handful of people, already drunk. Boo.

I stuck around anyway, and it was nice to see some of these people again. On my way home I went past where my childhood home WAS (until a year ago...my parents moved away last summer. I had to move out to stay in the area, and my house of 20 years was sold....and destroyed.) and marvel at the empty space. Turn off the headlights, sit in the driveway, if I'm feeling courageous maybe even go down by the river.....my heart aches just thinking about it now. I really wanted to drive past my ex-fiance's house. But that was on the other side of town.

So really, I felt weird from being home. Like, really really weird. You young kids (ha!) won't know til you're out of the house what going home will really do to your psyche. Especially when its not there anymore, and in order to see your parents you now need to drive an hour and a half away to some duplex in suburbia. NOT MY HOME.

Today, Overtime is over (for now...) and I actually get a TWO day weekend! And Josh is working, so house to myself! That means I can exercise and he won't see it! I really don't exercise at all, and I think its cause A. I'm lazy and B. He's around all the time and I don't know if I can just start exercising in front of him. I don't mind if a stranger sees me powerwalking down the street but for some reason I'm shy with him seeing me do it. Especially something like yoga, he'd probably just watch like a pervert. lol. Plus it just feels like a manifestation of my ED, and I don't want him to see that........

So today is knit mittens --> yoga--> apples and grapes --> water and coffee and tea and diet soda --> cleaning up my many messes --> party tonight?

Oh someone at work asked me if I was losing weight the other day! And I didn't even solicit the comment like me:"hey I've lost weight recently!" you:"Oh I was going to say something but I didn't know if that would have been appropriate but its noticable!" (I've done such solicitation already and both times after I said it I thought it was a stupid thing to do. If nobody is saying anything about visible weight loss then it hasn't happened yet, stupid!!) And that was with frumpy jeans, a big baggy sweatshirt, and a blue figure-hiding smock we all have to wear while we work. So I don't know where she's noticing it....my forehead or ankles maybe??! But still, it made my day.

Off to start on part one of my plan. Coffee and working on knitting my mitten. I already made one, now it needs a lover <3

thanks for listening to my rant. I've kind of plateaued already so I need to start commenting on more blogs to get the motivation and inspiration I need to keep going! You gals are the best!

xo

Emily