hello

I've been a blogger hermit lately. Sorry guys.

My scale stopped working. I am not 35 lbs. So since I didn't know what to do with it I didn't consciously keep track of what I ate. I got a new one, a cheap dial type (fuck electric - at least I can recalibrate this one when its off) and during my hiatus from the scale I managed to lose 5 pounds. I don't like it as much as having big digital numbers screaming at me but an 8 dollar scale beats a 20 dollar one that doesn't work, or a 50 dollar fancy one that will break someday.

I'm in a bad mood. feeling really low about myself today. Like I'll never be good enough for anything. Ever.

Nobody except another sick person can understand how good it feels to make yourself bleed.


I wish cutting was a more socially acceptable means of self medication. They're little ones, anyway.
But the hunger pains are more easily hidden. Not as instantaneously gratifying as cutting, but more constructive.

I am on a hunger high right now. It is marvelous, and the only thing keeping me sane right now. Beautiful hunger. You are welcome to stay awhile.

Alas, my lunch break is over. Back to work. Sorry to be Debbie Downer. But thanks for reading anyway :)

Emily