Because I Got High

I was going to do a fast yesterday

But then I got high

I was going to have only liquids all day

But then I got high

Now I'm bloated and huge

and I know why

Because I got high, because I got high, because I got high.



........



Yesterday after work was a planned, methodical binge of epic proportions. See, our microwave stopped working so Josh got a new one. We only have a tiny amount of green left (with a surprising amount of keef) so we lit up for the first time in a very long time, and went to the grocery store to get stuff to microwave and test it out. Yes, lame. (And in case you're wondering, the microwave does work). So, yeah. I ate everything out of the microwave last night.

And then capped off the night with oreos and peanut butter (not microwaved!). FML.

I'm okay with it. I'm over it. I've already fasted my way through two hours today. Starting over!
Today is Fast Tuesday. All I'm having is a little fiber to make things, um, move. And maybe some laxies, although my stomach is already hurting like I've taken them even though I haven't, so things may be moving swiftly all on their own. I'm down with that. I started my period though, so it may just be cramps. I can't tell. Its all in my abdo.

So, I wasn't able to update on my weekend yesterday, because I got high.

But I'll tell you now.

Friday I took off work, and Josh and I went up north to visit his family. His family has lived in Florida, Alabama, Kentucky, and Tennessee, I think. They've moved all over, and so 30 years ago they finally settled up north in Redneckville, WI. Not that I hold myself on any sort of pedestal or anything, because I don't, but visiting them always makes me feel better about myself. I think its more of the fact that his mom has 3 brothers and they always hit on me in a teasing way (not creepy or anything, just fun.) and everyone up there makes me feel like "a real catch". Not only that, but they talk about me being skinny like I'm 110 lbs or something. In fact, the first thing his uncle Marty said after giving me a hug hello was "damn girl, you stop eating?"

Man, I wanted to laugh out loud when I heard that. No one would have got the joke but me though. And all of you. I've visibly lost some weight since starting this, but I started in August '09 and the last time we visited his family was Fourth of July, so that was before going down this path. Of course, I can't see any progress, but I've gotten confirmation that I indeed look a tad smaller than I did 9 months ago. (NOT SMALL ENOUGH!!)

The whole weekend though I got a couple comments about my weight and looks (good ones) and I guess it just made me feel like a queen. And it makes Josh feel better about himself like he really got someone good. (people, I'm not that great!)

Like one that sticks out in my mind, his aunt Kari was saying something about her shih tzu dog sitting on her while she's sleeping, and I chimed in that my 17 lb cat likes to sit on my legs and knead my belly with her (bony) paws, and Kari said "if thats what I gotta do to look like that (pointing at my general midsectional region) I'm gettin' myself a cat!"

Of course, I was wearing a zip hoodie. If everyone saw my REAL belly with the muffin top and all, they wouldn't be saying that.

His mom said something generally nice (but not true) about my physique as well, I just can't remember what it was.


So it was a bit of an esteem booster weekend. Of course, I don't see myself the same way they do. Sometimes I wish they could show me how they see me, then maybe I wouldn't hate myself so much. Then again, if I could show them how I feel about me, then they'd hate me too.

Man....I feel out of it. I haven't smoked in a long time. I slept good. A little later than I'd like, but I didn't sleep well this weekend so I guess I'm still catching up.

I am going to drink all sorts of liquids before I go to work today. Then I'm going to drink water while I'm there, and chew lots of sugarfree gum. Today is a good day for a liquid fast.

This is long :/ sorry. I'll get off now. I need to clean some things anyway. I am le slob.

peace out